I don't want to talk
by tuesdayafternoon
Summary: Will talking to the last person in the world she wants to talk too, help Lily through one of the hardest times in her life? Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't want to talk**

"Fuck, fuck, fuck

Super fucking awesome

Just what I fucking need right now

Fuck, fuck, fuck"

"Not that I don't enjoy listening to your _extensive_ vocabulary but would you please tell me what's wrong?" My cousin Rose had just walked into the Gryffindor girls' bathroom I was currently destroying.

"Actually I don't think I will, you wouldn't understand", I reply curtly.

"Come on Lily, how bad could it be that you can't tell me". She seriously had no idea how royally fucked I was, but I knew that I had to tell someone and it might as well be Rose.

"Fine" I reply and I throw the object I was holding in my hand directly to her. I didn't take her long to realise that it was a muggle pregnancy test, a positive muggle pregnancy test. I just sit there on the bathroom floor, head between my legs, waiting for her response.

"Fuck"

That sums it all up quite nicely I believe.

* * *

I am pregnant, only in my fifth year, barely sixteen and did I mention having a baby. What the hell I am meant to do with a baby?

I can assume that similar things were running through my cousins head as well as we were sitting there, staring at my positive pregnancy test.

"Ok, these muggle tests aren't always correct so don't start freaking out quite yet. Why don't we go down to Madam Pomfrey and see if you are really pregnant?" says Rose after quite some time. Rose is definitely the smart, rational one. My first response was to scream and smash a mirror. But then again, she didn't get herself knocked up.

"Sure, but you can't tell anyone yet, and I mean anyone. If I am really having a baby then I just need some time to figure myself out, ok?" Then slowly I pick myself up off the floor and walk out of the bathroom, quickly grabbing the pregnancy test off the ground.

* * *

"I am so sorry."

I start to cry, my life is over. I am scared about what is going to happen next, angry that I let this happen and every other emotion you can think of all at once.

"Now come on, don't cry. This really isn't that bad. You are only young but the school will help you threw every second of this pregnancy" says Madam Pomfrey as she hugs me softly. "You need to tell your family and the father, but I won't pressure you into doing it right now. I will tell the Headmaster tomorrow."

As we are walking out I can see Rose is squirming and fidgeting, dying to ask me something. "You can ask me but I am not going to tell you the father is" I say in an icy tone, before walking off in search of something to scream into. I think my pillow will do nicely. "And I expect you to keep this whole thing to yourself" I yell out to her before she disappears from my sight.

"What does Rose have to keep to herself?"

Shit, my brother Albus is standing right in front of me.

"Nothing that concerns you" I quickly reply and run off before he has the chance to say anything else. I almost at the Gryffindor common room and I can see the fat lady in the distance.

"Why are you in such a hurry all of a sudden?"

Oh yay, Scorpius Malfoy. Why won't people just mind their own business?

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET HURT"

I scurry past all of the shocked faces; I don't know where that came from but I really don't care right now.

* * *

I wake up the next morning and I know that today might just be worse than yesterday. Madame Pomfrey will tell the Headmaster, who will tell my parents, who will ask who the father is. Which is information I am not willing to give out.

Maybe if I stay in bed all day then I wont have to deal with any of it, but I am hungry and soon I find myself already dressed and walking towards the great hall.

"I wasn't intentionally rude yesterday" I hear a voice talking to me.

Great, Malfoy is talking to me again.

"I know that we don't really hate each other anymore and I don't want to ruin that"

Why is he still talking to me? I agree since that last incident before the holidays we officially don't hate each other anymore, but can't he tell that I am not in the mood for mindless drabble?

"Hungry, don't give a fuck," I blurt out. I didn't mean to be that rude but all I can think of right now is sausages and bacon.

I think he said something else but I am so focused on other things that I don't hear anything.

Shit, I find myself pushed into a corner, face to face with Malfoy. He is staring right into my dark brown eyes and his hands are gripped tightly around my shoulders. "Why are you being so difficult? I am trying to be nice and all you can do is swear in my face and walk off" he is starting to yell and I keep thinking of those sausages.

"I mean, seriously what is your problem? I thought we agreed on some kind of truce, that we would forget _everything_ that happened and start again?" he yells even louder. Maybe it's the pregnancy but I am starting to droll at the mouth thinking of a plate stacked with sausages, bacon and drizzled with tomato sauce.

"Sorry, lets talk later, when I said I was hungry, I really meant that I was hungry." I don't really want to talk to him later but that is all I can think off that will keep him happy.

He nods and lets me go. I run so fast to the Gryffindor table, I don't even notice my parents standing at the doorway, angrier than when James told them he wanted to leave Hogwarts before his final year.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter

A/N- Ok, here is chapter two…enjoy!! And please review (good or bad)

**I don't want to talk**

"PREGNANT?" This is the fifth time my dad has yelled this, and the word is starting to lose all meaning.

My parents reactions are so predictable that's it's not funny. My Dad gets angry and starts pacing, my Mum stands there shocked there for a while, and starts trying to calm down Dad. Next Dad will start yelling at the guy who got me pregnant.

"I AM GOING TO KILL THE GUY WHO DID THIS TO YOU"

Bingo, right on time. We are all in the Headmasters office and Professor McGonagall hasn't spoken since telling my parents the 'situation' I had gotten myself into.

"Ok, lets just stay calm about all of this, this isn't the end of the world" I wish Professor McGonagall was right but I am finding it hard to believe.

"Sorry Minerva, it's just that Lily has never done anything so stupid before in her life and she's never even had a serious boyfriend." At least my Dad is starting to calm down.

"I know this hard to comprehend but the mistake has been made and we have to accept it and figure out how to make this as easy as possible for Lily and the baby. Hogwarts will help you through the pregnancy and if you wish to have the baby with you at school then we will make a room for you to share here."

I hadn't really thought that far along, what would I do after I had the baby? Then I suddenly thought of the father, would he want to help, would he disown the baby completely?

"Thankyou so much Minerva." This is the first thing that my Mum has said the whole time and she isn't even looking at me. I feel like running up to her and begging her to look at me like when I was still her little girl. I can feel tears running down my face but I don't bother to wipe them away.

"We need you to tell us the father and I assume that he goes here." This is the calmest my Dad has been the whole time, maybe he wont hate me forever.

I can feel all eyes on me and the tears just keep on falling. I can't tell them who the father is, but they expect an answer.

I just sit there for maybe ten or twenty more minuets.

"I'm sssorry I ccant ttell you yet, I hhhaven't even tttold him" this is the final straw, I burst out crying and pull myself into a tight ball.

* * *

I was brought back to my room and wake up at around 5pm. The room is dark and all the curtains are closed. I am cold and hungry. I don't know if anyone in the school knows about any of this yet but I don't care. Ok, maybe that's a lie. I do care, especially my brothers.

Would they be angry, disappointed or would they ignore me forever?

I can feel the tears coming on and cry for a while longer. When I get up and walk to the mirror and don't even recognise what is staring back at me.

People call me one of the prettiest girls in the school. I am only short but quite slender, have long fiery red hair and have developed quite a bit since my third year. But my normally pretty face is blotchy and my eyes are all red. Even my hair is all messy and knotted.

I fix myself up as much as possible and go down to the Great Hall to eat.

* * *

"Please, please, please"

"No, I am not telling you who the father is until I tell the father myself" I am again arguing with Rose about the father of my baby.

It has been a week since I found out the baby and I have come to accept it and I am sort of excited.

Everyone knows but then again no one really knows.

I officially confirmed it to all my family at Hogwarts and it is now spreading throughout the school via gossip and no one else knows if it is true or false.

At the present moment I am sitting in the library and trying to concentrate on my DADA homework but Rose is making virtually impossible.

I see Albus sitting at another table with some of his friends and they are all laughing at something he has just said. He hasn't spoken to me since I told him about the baby, his last words were "where has my sister gone, she wouldn't be in this situation".

I have never cried so much my life.

So, pretty much, the only one who has accepted it and is talking to me at the moment is Rose and I have never been so grateful to have her in my life.

"Please just tell me, it would make it so much easier for me to help you" I let out a huge sigh.

"Tomorrow, I am telling the father tomorrow and then I will tell you"

* * *

I go outside to sit in my favourite spot in the entire school.

It's this tree that had been struck by lightning a while back and new tree has begun to grow out of the dead one, can't get more symbolism than that.

"I came to talk"

Shit, Malfoy, I don't want to talk. No, no, no!

"Not right now, please, I just really want to be alone" I try to sound as nice as possible.

"No, sorry, no can do. We have to talk and it's happening right now. Ok, I'll start. You're being a bitch, even when we agreed to be civil and are you really pregnant?" He comes and sits down next to me; doesn't he understand that talking is that **last** thing I want to do right now.

"Hmm, I'm not being a bitch, you're being an dickhead. And I don't think that I want to confirm or deny that last statement." I start walking back and he pulls me towards him.

"LET ME GO"

"No, I don't think I will"

"Ok, lets talk then. I am pregnant. My family hates me. I haven't told the father he is having a baby. People keep staring at me. And some annoying blond haired boy keeps talking to me and doesn't get the hint that I just want to be alone" I say this all in one breath and stare straight into his cloudy grey eyes.

"I'm sorry"


End file.
